My question is a personal one. I’ve been a pastor for three years, and I’m already getting burned out. The church I lead runs about 100 in attendance, and they expect me to do just about everything. I’m tired, my wife is frustrated, and my kids never see me. I know this blog is more about church issues, but I need some guidance here.
Without having been a full-time pastor or one that has been experienced burnout, this is a tough question for me to answer. That being said, I would suggest a couple of things to help with burnout:
1.) Develop a plurality of elders that seeks to delegate responsibility and empower the laity of a church. It does not say whether the church mentioned above has a plurality of elders, but if it does not, I would suggest moving towards this model. There are many biblical and practical reasons for this. Mark Dever gives several practical reasons to do this in his book “The Deliberate Church.” Some of which include: it diffuses congregational criticism, it adds pastoral wisdom, it balances pastoral weakness and others. Having partners in ministry will help reduce the overwhelming feeling of going at it alone.
2.) Develop boundaries between personal, family and ministry time. This can be done in different ways, but I would suggest developing as much of a daily schedule as possible to facilitate adequate time for ministry, family and personal time. Boundaries also have to be established with the congregation so that they understand you need time to rest and recuperate.
I was the only full-time ministerial staff member at the past two churches where I served as senior pastor for a total of 13 and 1/2 years. To say I feel for you would be to make a gross understatement. We lived in the pastorium next door to the first of those two churches, so if anybody needed anything or needed into the church at anytime, I got the call. And the greatest difficulty for me was leaving the ministry at the church and not taking the weight of it all home with me.
I’m a morning person, so it goes against my nature to workout late in the day, but it seems to work best to relieve the stress between work and home by walking or exercising. My wife and I were working on a walking schedule together after we got home from work until cold weather and snow season hit here in central Kentucky. It provided a chance for both of us to release the stress of a busy day and to reconnect with one another.
The adage is truer than most of us would like to admit, that “it’s lonely at the top.” The best leadership advice I can give is to share the load with one or two friends and fellow servants. They may or may not be ministers or deacons, but by taking them with you and involving them in ministry you are training those who will help carry the load, and hopefully will then train their own friends and fellow servants who will further help in shouldering the load of ministry.
Unfortunately, it usually takes more time up front to do the training and coordinate your schedule with that of your helper than it would to simply do it yourself. That extra time will serve as your personal investment that will yield a return of time to you later when the load will then be too much to bear alone.
Since the pastor has input on scheduling, I would suggest keeping as much as possible on the days you’re already at church, namely Wednesdays and Sundays That will help avoid the extra weeknights at church that take from family time.
I would also suggest feeding the fire inside of you by investing more time in prayer and study. Larnelle Harris released a song in 1986 written from God’s perspective. In it God said, “I miss my time with, those moments together; I need to be with you each day, and it hurts me when you say you’re too busy, busy trying to serve me, but how can you serve me when your spirit’s empty.” It is often the place where ministers sacrifice their time most, and yet the area where the most time is needed in order to avoid burnout.
And make sure and laugh regularly. It is amazing how you can feel the stress melt away when you laugh. It helps that I’m goofy, and I tend to see things from a different perspective than most. And sharing those laughs with family is a natural bonding agent.
I think it helps to discern what is the source of burnout. Without writing a book on burnout, I believe burnout can generally come from three sources.
First, burnout can come from within. We can put more on ourselves than even God would. Piggybacking on the first comment’s second point, we might actually be the one’s to blame for our own burnout because we have not set up clear boundaries. Some of us lack courage to say no to our church’s demands, succumbing to the need to please everyone (except one’s own family). The answer, in short, to this kind of burnout is to grow in wisdom on boundaries. Henry Cloud’s “Boundaries” is a great resource.
Second, burnout can be a result of external factors. This ranges from difficult church members, to inefficient administrative processes, to oppressive church bureaucracy and organizational infrastructure, to personal financial stresses, or to all of the above. When the burnout is a result of external factors, determine the external factor and deal with it accordingly. If you have only been at a church for three years, some questions to ask are: Did you begin with a clear ministry plan (values, mission, vision, strategy)? Have you identified and tried to build a relationship with the key influencers at your church? Does you ministry plan involve a strategy to empower and release lay leadership?
Third, burnout can be a casualty of spiritual battle. Furthermore, Satan will prey on the vulnerability that accompanies burnout. For instance, Elijah, in his battle against evil Ahab and Jezebel (as Baal worshipers, they surely represented Satan), hid in a cave, sulking that he was the only prophet left, when that wasn’t even the case. He was burnout from his long-suffering. One wonders if David’s need to rest when kings were meant to go out to battle (1 Samuel 11) was a symptom of burnout. Furthermore, was the temptation of Bathsheba all the more attractive because of the vulnerability that came with being burnt out? (Many have fallen during burnout because of a sense of entitlement in the midst of vulnerability.) The answer here: pray and find your rest in Christ. Let him fight the battle (Exodus 14:14).
The application, in light of these three sources of burnout, is to diagnose where your burnout is coming from, and then to treat your burnout accordingly.
Like Aaron, I have never been in full-time ministry so my advice may be unrealistic. In Exodus 5:9, Pharaoh instructs the task masters to keep the people so busy that they do not pay attention to the lies. This is tactic often utilized by the enemy in US society as well. Later in Exodus 18:17, Jethro speaks wise words to Moses when he is becoming so busy that he cannot lead well. I suggest a sermon series through Exodus.
We must determine our priorities from God’s Word and live those priorities out in front of our people. Our churches do not need professional ministers; they need godly leaders. Your time with God and family must take precedence. Schedule those times and guard them faithfully. I often must remind myself that if I am prioritizing rightly, it is okay for some of my spinning plates to fall.
I heard some recent advice regarding ministry; never do it alone. As your people ask you to do things, ask (or require) them to join you. This helps to encourage you and disciple your people.
I have been in full time ministry for ten years now and am currently the only paid staff member at a church of a similar size so I can definitely relate to what you are going through. There have been seasons during my ministry when I became so caught up in the activities of the church at the expense of everything else that I suffered and so did my family. There are three ways that I try to keep margins in my life now:
First, be sure to find some time each day that you can devote to your own spiritual and physical health. Spend time in prayer and in the word, and keep a journal. For me, simply going to the gym every morning helps keep me focused, but also it gives me time to reflect on the day ahead and to spend time in prayer.
Second, build a support structure around you. Part of burn out comes from not having anyone to share the burden with you. Certainly plurality of elders helps me with this, but I think it needs to go beyond that too. I meet every Wednesday with a group of pastors who I know, respect and trust. We spend 2 hours together every week just being open and transparent with one another, seeking counsel, and praying for each other. This is invaluable to me.
Third, budget your time. Each day know that you will have 8-10 hours available. I like to plan ahead (as best as I can) how I will budget those hours. We can waste a lot of time in ministry by letting meetings go long or spending too much time on a secondary task if we don’t budget the time we have. By just budgeting my time I actually reserve more time for my family and not let my ministry suffer. To budget your time also means that you should budget your week. Try to take a day off. I am terrible at this - I am typically in my office 7 days a week. But at least make it a goal that you only be in the office 6 days a week by being intentional about taking 1 day off each week. Also, be sure to take vacations. I had a pastor friend rebuke me for not taking my vacations, i needed to hear that. Finally, plan to attend one conference a year, and go with someone so that it becomes a fun but fruitful experience.
Those are my thoughts, but I am certainly curious to see what other suggestions people may have.
This problem needs to be addressed as quickly as possible to avoid damage to you, your family, and ultimately the church. I would begin by determining what the deacons perceive their function to be. It may be necessary to educate them as to the biblical role of a deacon. Implementation of a deacon family minsitry model could significantly reduce your responsibilities as pastor, allowing you to devote more time to your own spiritual health, physical well being, and family.
It would also be wise to educate the congregation, through preaching and teaching, about spiriutal gifts and how they are to be exercised in the church. At some point in this process I would have the congregation complete a spiritual gifts inventory, and then use the results to help in delegation of duties. Not only will delegating duties reduce the pastor’s burden, it will help the church function as the New Testament instructs, and help invidiual church members in their own spiriutal growth and development.
I would meet with church leaders and remind them how important it is for you to have a strong marriage and a good relationship with your children. Not only is strong family bonding important to you personally, it is important to the church and your ministry as well. I would then explain the family situation to the leaders and let them know that you are going to be very protective of your scheduled days off. You also need to be intentional about not scheduling too many nights of the week away from home for visitation, meetings, and other ministry related functions. You cannot contol the unexpected; however, you must be very intentional about planning your schedule.
You mention that the church expects you to do just about everything. I have been a pastor for fifteen years and have found that sometimes when I thought the church expected me to do everything it was really a case of they were allowing me to everything simply because I would. It may be that when you tell them how you are feeling they will be more than willing to step up to the plate. This is especially true if they care deeply for you and your family which is often the case in a church this size.
Response to Matthew Spandler-Davison’s comment:
I think all of your comments are very appropriate for the situation, but I especially agree with your thoughts about building a support structure around yourself. You are right in that the support structure needs to go further than just a plurality of elders. A pastor needs friends and associates whom he can relate to outside of the church family.
For full-time pastors not serving in their home town making friends outsidce the church family becomes a problem. Most of the people we come in contact with are within our ministry setting, making it difficult to form deep friendships outside of that realm. If the pastor’s children are grown and no longer invovled in school and community sports activities, this problem is even greater. One solution is for the pastor himself to become involved in community activites; however, this has a tendency to tax an already overworked schedule.
In my ministry, I have solved this problem the same way you have, by meeting regularly with a small group of other pastors who I know, respect, and trust. Meeting with them regularly has helped keep me encouraged, and has allowed me to encourage them. It is amazing how a group like this can help you keep life and ministry in their proper perspective.
If burnout is due to unconfessed sin, the greatest remedy is repentance. However, much of burnout for pastors is a result of the “wear and tear” of ministry in a changing culture. Here are some recommendations presented with humility by a fellow pilgrim who has faced burnout.
First of all, talk with your physician. If you do not have a physican that you know personally, find one. One of the side effects of what we call “burn-out” is masked reactive depression. Burnout for most pastors is due to unrealized expectations in ministry. This state of frustration over time can become reactive depression. Some of the most caring and loving people are often victims of this type of depression. This may not be your situation, but it will could be a great benefit for you to be evaluated for depression. There is temporary treatment for what you are facing that can help you in making decisions and assessing your ministry.
Second, find a counselor or “mentor-coach” whom you can trust for confidentiality, competency, and theological soundness. Although there are spiritual realities to what you are facing, a listening ear can be a tremendous aid in setting boundaries and looking at what God is doing in and through your life. Many times just having someone to talk with can bring tremendous healing and a restart for ministry.
Third, study the theology of grace. Many pastors who go through burnout try to “pray” or “work” their way out. Increasing activity can actually make the burnout worse. Studying Psalms 100 to 150 daily can be a great aid. The central theological truth that we pastors need when facing burnout is that our work does not depend upon our efforts, but God’s grace. One of the best books for pastors facing burnout is “Depression, Finding Hope and Meaning in Life’s Dark Shadow” by Don Baker and Emory Hester (Multnomah Press- 1983). This the story of a megachurch pastor’s struggle with burnout and depression from the standpoint of the theological and clinical aids of a Christian Physician who treated him. Although dated, it is still one of the best books on the subject of burnout in ministry.
Fourth, reassess your ministry after recovering from burnout. During the crisis of burnout, you can make bad decisions. The immediate time after recovering from burnout can be an excellent time for our Lord to speak into your life about a new direction for your ministry, or to reassure you about your present place of service.. It could be that you are meant to serve bivocationally, or as a church planter if you are in a tradtional church. I learned this lesson after 26 years of fulltime service as a pastor of smaller and larger congregations. Facing burnout and reactive depression, I spent three and and one half years owning a business and serving a smaller congregation bivocationally. It was like a vacation and a great time of healing. Having been back for two years a a fulltime pastor, and have a new perspective on ministry, and a confidence that my call is based upon God’s direction.
The final word about burnout in ministry is that it will get better. There is life and spiritual growth for you and your family on the other side of the challenge you are presently facing. Remember that truth.
Here is a postscript to the previous comments made.
If my fellow pastor is 3 years into service and having issues from external demands in a congregation of 100 attendees, he may need to include delegation and time management education into his process of recovery from burnout.
Delegation and organizing priorities are skills that can be learned and developed over time. If he choses to sit down with a counselor/mentor-coach, this should be an item that is discusssed.
Thank you Albert! You show wisdom well beyond your years.
I agree that diagnosing the source of burnout should be the starting point. Once diagnosed, the hardest thing to say is “no” to all that you have previously said “yes” to. Most of the time we, as pastors, say “no” to those closest to us, namely family. Discernment will be needed to know when and to whom to say “no” to and to release the guilt the devil will put on you for for not doing the duty you had previously accepted responsibility for.
Remember that it is not flesh and blood you’re battling against. But sometimes the greatest battle is the internal strife of feeling like you’re letting somebody else down. That is when focus on pleasing God first and foremost is of absolute necessity.
A lot of what has been said is very helpful. I would suggest some person development for yourself. Lots of research and stuff has been written on casting a vision and empowering people to serve. John Maxwell’s 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork is an easy good read. A personal study of Exodus 15 will give incite. The advice Jethro gives Moses to delegate his duties as judge will help give you a biblical foundation for delegating. This would also be a good devotion study with you leader and can be a catalyst for change.
I must say from experience that the personal toll on you family must be dealt with. Ask for an extended time off to recharge and retool. Develop a plan for change both adding the boundaries to protect you family and your relationship with your wife and vision and a plan to move the people.
You know you cannot do all that needs done. In order for the church to move forward change has to take place in you and in the church. You are the change agent.
Dear “almost burned-out,” While establishing a plurality of pastors to assist you in ministry is a wise pursuit, you will likely be burned out prior to completing that process if it has not already begun. Suddenly announcing boundaries for ministry, family, etc. can be received as stand-offish and create unneeded conflict. That said, there is a great deal of advice to heed in the above responses. My suggestions are similar–and I,too, have faced burnout on several occasions. Let me encourage you in a couple of areas that helped me through it:
1) Remember the sanctifying effects of your current predicament. Often the Lord allows us to face overwhelming situations as a means to drive us to our knees in prayer and dependence upon him. Remembering that God is growing us through the process provides hope and strength.
2) Ask for strength in your prayer closet. Often, the first area of our ministry to be neglected when we are overwhelmed is our devotional life (I speak from personal experience). You must devote MORE time to the Lord during these times. To fail here will only exacerbate the matter.
3) Learn to rest in the Lord. Early in my ministry, to fight burnout, I would take Mondays off to just be lazy. I would sleep in, lay around the house, and then goof off in the afternoon, thinking that the time off would recharge my batteries for ministry. It never worked. I was just as tired on Tuesday. The reason is simple, ministry is a primarily a spiritual battle, you need the strength of the Lord to persevere. It wasn’t until I made a commitment to spend a significant portion of my Monday (recovery day from Sunday) in the Word and prayer, that I began to see the benefits of taking some time off to recharge. This change was so noticeable, that I now have no problem delaying my day off until Friday. My time in the Word on Mondays is a driving force in my ministry.
4) After you focus on your devotional life, share your burden with your church, then listen. If you do not have a plurality of pastors, then raise the issue with your deacons (who should be assisting in the administrative ministry needs in your church anyway). Ask them to provide input. Couch the conversation in a manner that will convey your true needs. “My current approach is undermining my ability to shepherd my family and this flock. I want to be the best pastor I can for the glory of God and for the benefit of my church. Help me take those steps.” After sharing your burden with your deacons, ask for their wisdom in how your should bring this issue to your church, then listen. If you are working as diligently as you appear to be, your church probably loves you a great deal. I would imagine they would want to do as good a job taking care of you as you are them. They may not realize how their expectations are affecting you.
5) Find a local pastor that has been in ministry for a significantly longer period of time than you have. Share a cup of coffee, share your burden, and then listen. Even if you do not agree with him on every theological jot and tittle, the chances are that you will be able to learn from his mistakes and lessons.
6) Finally, don’t neglect your physical health. Even if it is a 10 minute jog around the block, you need to do something to help stay in shape.
I will be in prayer for you. Feel free to email me if you would like to talk over the phone. Dr. Lawless has my contact info. (don’t want to post on a blog).
Chris Bonts
In dealing with burnout, I can only echo what has been stated above.
Delegation and scheduling are key in dealing with the work load of ministry. I use interns to accomplish many tasks, from addressing envelopes to advertising. I spend little to no time at the copier, or organizing files. I also count on ministry teams to accomplish tasks. It takes some effort up front, but the investment in others will pay off over time as people become empowered and confident in their God-given abilities.
Essentially, I focus my time as best I can on things that only I can do, as in teaching, planning, and spending time with others in a pastoral manner. The way I do this is to make a calendar every Monday and look at the week ahead. I make sure to schedule time with my family first, and apart from a major emergency, I do not miss this time with them.
I also plan as many meetings as I can on Sunday or Wednesday. My family understands that both of these days are devoted to work. In turn, I give them the time they need as much as possible every other day of the week. Communication with my wife is the key to making sure we get the time together that is necessary for a healthy marriage.
Exercise is another way to help cope with the stress. As mentioned above, if you are not exercising yet, start doing something! The value is worth your time.
Maybe the most important part of the above posts is to realize the spiritual aspect of burnout. Do not try to “work” your way out of the slump, but realize the power of God who has a plan and purpose for you. Spend time in prayer and reading the Bible, and let that fill your heart instead of the anxiety from burnout.
I’ll be praying for you to see victory over the burnout and health restored in your family and church.
Albert,
I love your post about identifying the source of burnout and attacking it. Through prayer, burnout can be identified and the Enemy can be subdued. Thinking through burnout in this way is helpful, as it can quickly identify an area, and something can be changed. My only caution to this approach is to make sure that you are relying on God’s power, grace, and wisdom throughout the process. Again, great thoughts on burnout!
Aaron,
I could not agree more with the establishment of boundaries in ministry. Yes, the church pays for me to have a cell phone that is on all the time, and I can check email at all hours as well. However, I have set limits on when I check my phone. For example, if I am at home with my family, or studying for a lesson, or spending time in prayer, I let the phone go to voicemail. I turn off the sounds and vibration. I will check it occasionally, but if it is nothing urgent, I will just do respond at a later time.
If you make yourself constantly available to the point that you have no rest from ministry, burnout will happen. Set the lines early in your ministry through good communication with others, and good communication with your family. There is a certain freedom in realizing that others can minister to someone in need as well. We should not think so highly of ourselves as ministers that we think we are the only person who can help others through their lives.
I agree with Bonts, Hedgepeth, and Spandler-Davison above. Their advise is good.
And yes, pastoring is lonely, challenging work that has a tendency to consume all that we have. I know one Man, who had more to give than any of us, and it consumed him completely, you know him too. It took about three years to do so.
I would seek some professional help from your doctor if you even think you might be dealing with depression. Just share your struggle with him/her. Most doctors struggle with high levels of stress and the family vs. profession demands that are similar to what pastors face.
I would also echo Hedgepeth’s comments about expectations. Do you have healthy expectations of yourself and the church. What are you trying to accomplish and why? I find that I have higher expectations for myself than anyone else does. I carry burdens that no one knows. And I think the whole success of the church lies with me…after all, “everything rises and falls on leadership.” But I am also foolish to do so. I find myself thinking this way for two primary reasons. First, I am trying to prove I am the right man for the job. I am a good leader. That I am leading the church to victory. There is just one problem. I am not really leading the church. Jesus is. He has already won the victory and all I have to do is to follow him. I know it sounds Sunday school but, if you are feeling stress at home, that is God saying you are out of balance. If you are feeling like you are over worked, that is God saying you are out of balance. So, there is no magic cure for burnout. It is God saying you are out of balance. Therefore, the advice of your bothers about pressing into Christ spiritually is sound. Spend your time pushing into him, sharing your fears, dreams, and aspirations with him. And, he will show you want to do.
The second reason I am overly ambitious for the church and church work, is that I see my success tied to the churches success. Therefore, I often blame these people for not doing all the things I think they need to do to help the church be what it needs to be, so that I can be successful and have what I want and need. I know, it is super carnal, I think I was born with it…I suspect I am not the only one.
It is a hard thing to do, your motives may be pure, and you may have legitimate needs that need filling. You are doing your best to provide for your family, work hard for your church, and you lift your head and think, you are all alone. Often times, when we are right and we know we are, we blame others for not facilitating the fulfillment of our needs. Once this happens, our outlook is skewed, we think better of ourselves than we ought, and we think less of others than we should. We see ourselves as the only one doing anything and others as lazy and unconcerned.
Again, I would encourage you to press into the Lord. I would suggest you look for one thing each week that you could delegate or at a minimum, take someone with you. If you are visiting, take a Sunday school teacher or deacon with you. If they will not go, then take your kids and or wife with you. Try to include your family in your ministry and your ministry in your family.
Lastly, hang in there. Our weakness allows God to be strong in our lives. Keep seeking him. Place your expectations on him, not his people, and go do something fun. Take your wife out; spend the weekend with your family; take some church leaders out for fun, not church stuff. Most of us pastors live for church and we should church for live. You know what I mean…
Boeving, as much as elders many help with this situations, now is probably not the best time for our brother to pursue such an undertaking. I suspect, if he is having the trouble he suggests, there are not many men eligible for eldership in the congregation. If there were, they would be addressing the issue whether they are officially elders or not. I see the elder issue as one requiring time and patience, something our brother seems to be lacking.
I agree with your second point. A good schedule would help our brother prioritize his time. However, if he does not stick to it, which it sounds like he would not, it will not help like we think it should. I think the issue is the order of his priorities. For some reason, and I suspect it has nothing to do with how much time is in the day, he is prioritizing church matters above family. The root of his burnout issue lies at the bottom of why he is choosing to neglect his family do things in the church that no one else thinks are important enough to do themselves.
The approach you should take in resolving such a complicated issue is going to vary depending on the specifics of the situation, many of which are not included here. So, as for a detailed approach to working through and overcoming this problem, it is hard to say at this point. There are, however, a few given truths that provide an excellent starting point.
Truth number one is that you cannot handle the responsibilities alone. It sounds obvious, but if you do not understand the weight of its implications, it could be disastrous to you, your family and your ministry. The best way to delegate responsibilities will depend a lot on the current setup of the church leadership. If there are elders/deacons in place then it would seem that either a) they are not doing their jobs, or b) the distribution of responsibilities is not happening effectively. A careful organization of the church responsibilities and the positions that exist to meet each could help tremendously. In this situation I would suggest an extended leaders meeting to work out the details of who has what responsibilities and make sure everyone is on the same page and has a plan of how to actively fulfill their roles. If there are no elder/deacon positions currently set, either a delegation process needs to be established immediately, or you need to find a select group of close and trusted individuals with whom to share the responsibilities for the time being until permanent positions can be created. These need to be individuals within the church body who are committed not only to the church but to you and to your well being and your ministry. Those who are aware of your current situation and are burdened for you will be most reliable in coming alongside you and sharing the burden of your duties. Regardless of the solution, you cannot just say, “What a shame that I’m expected to do everything…” and then keep on doing it. You have to take the initiative to make the change.
Truth number two is that your family is more important that your church ministry, and in fact should be your number one ministry. Again, this may sound obvious, and undoubtedly you are perfectly aware of this truth, but if you do believe it to be true, your time management must reflect it. You will likely have to sacrifice church responsibilities, and you may feel as if you are letting the church down. Do not let these feelings of guilt pull you away from time with your family. The Enemy wants us to confuse our priorities, and he will try to make you think that keeping your church members satisfied is more important than spending time with family. This is not true, and you must rearrange your schedule to reflect that. Carve out a given amount of time each day that is “untouchable” time. This time is reserved solely for being with your wife, your children, and yourself. If you do not make this a regular part of your schedule, it will not happen by chance. It will likely not happen at all.
The final truth is that your ministry will only be as productive as your personal relationship with the Lord. Like the other two truths, this one also is spoken far too often, but embodied in our lives far too rarely. Prioritize your life, and in the heat of your busyness at work, be able to recall your priorities clearly and act accordingly. Apart from having one larger chunk of time committed to prayer and scripture reading, take periodic breaks during your work day when you can retreat somewhere away from your work things and spend even just 10-15 minutes with the Lord. These “power stops” throughout the day can make a huge difference in your stress level.
Your individual situation may need to be handled differently depending on the specifics of it, but these facts hold true for any situation like yours, and they provide a simple framework for moving forward and overcoming this issue.
First, I would examine your schedule by day and day and figure out what you are doing. This will ensure that you are using you time wisely and effectively. Is there any point in which I am wasting time and this time could be spent with my family? Getting away from church and doing church things and spending time with family should help with the burnout.
Secondly, I would ask the question, am I honestly spending time with the Lord like I should or is busyness getting in the way of that? Not having been a Pastor, it would seem tome it would be extremely easy to become busy doing things in the church and not cultivating one’s own spiritual walk.
Thirdly, I would be completely honest with the church body about he situation. “I am completely burnt out!” “I need your help.” In fact, here are some areas in which I could use your help. This charge can be given to the deacon body/elder board first.
Lastly, I would take a weekend or week long retreat and get away for a while to allow your mind to get refreshed. Often times a refreshing will aid in burnout
In conclusion, having not been a Pastor it is difficult for me to say exactly what I would do but these seem like some practical steps one could take to take some of the load and pressure off and get re-energized.
In response to Michael Colston:
Two comments I found extremely important. One was the end of the quote which says, “How can you serve me when your spirit is empty?” This is so true. Even while in Seminary it is easy to get burnout of doing the things of Seminary and lose sight of personal holiness and spending that time with God. it is extremely vital to MAKE PRAYER A PRIORITY! The reality of it is we do lip service to prayer! If we really believed in prayer we would be on our knees more! Praying allows your spirit to be filled and keeps you energized!
Secondly, your comment on laughing is very true. Often times we can be too serious and too focused on ministry things that we lose sight of the joys of life and the joy of laughter with family and friends. I can be guilty of being too serious, so it is vital that we take time and laugh!
Great post! These two comments were two that stuck out in my mind as I was reading this post.
Regarding comment #17 by Tony Wolfenbarger:
I agree that developing a plurality of elders would not be a good thing to do immediately, but that is not what I meant. I think this is something that should be done over a longer period of time, with patience as you mentioned. However, if you do not actively begin something, then it is easy to have it brushed aside and forgotten about.
It would be easy to only think about quick fixes in this situation that don’t have any long term effects. I still believe moving towards a more balanced approach in leadership (and developing elders if there are none) is a good long-term solution that will help fight burn out in the future. If you don’t look to long-term solutions then the burnout will just come up again. If this pastor never teaches and empowers the church to be disciples that are actively involved in ministry (whether that be through elders or not), then I believe he will always have the sense that he is going at it alone and will face burnout again.
The comments made on prayer and recovery from burnout are important. It is possible that prayerless can be a source in the first stages of burnout.
I also believe there is an important caveat that needs to be made when we look at the subject of spiritual growth and burnout. I have friends who were very effective pastors who faced burnout and isolated themselves while seeking recovery. They sought help from their own prayer life through a “time of fasting” or “being alone with God” for an extended period of time. For a pastor in serious burnout/ depression, isolation can have disasterous consequences.
I agree with the comments of Spandler-Davison, Workman, and Bonts. Our fellow pastor needs someone to come along side him now to be a support as he seeks to discover the source of burnout, and a plan for recovery. Intimate prayer is needed, but it is also a time for our brother to ask for help and guidance from trusted friends as he renews his call in ministry.
To my brother who is burning out,
As I read your post, I was sad to see that you are having a hard time in the ministry. Sadly, there are many pastors in your situation, and most of them don’t know what to do either. On the one hand, you feel as if ministry is where God wants you to serve. But, on the other hand, you are seeing what it is doing to your desire to serve and what it is doing to your family.
Let me encourage you with this. Your family is more important than the church where you are currently serving. If you remain faithful to that congregation, and lose your family in the process, you have done no good. Take care of your family first! This might mean that you have to find a different church to serve in, or maybe it means that you have to give up some of the responsibilities that you currently have. Either way, it is so very important that you focus your attention on your family and make sure that your relationship with your wife and kids be strong!
I highly recommend that you bring your honest thoughts and feelings before the other leaders at your church, or maybe even before the entire church body. See if there is anything that can be done to lighten your load. If the congregation does not understand how bad your current situation is, and if they are unwilling to help you, then you don’t want to work for them. If that is the case, it might be time to start putting out the resume. Until then, focus on your family and continue to pray that God works this situation out in a way that glorifies him.
In response to Jerry Workman:
I agree with you Jerry! This is definitely a time for the deacons at the church to step up. Actually, they should have already been carrying some of this workload already. However, now is as good of a time as any to help them understand their responsibilities in the church as servants. Many of the tasks that you are currently doing can probably be delegated out to your deacons. Hopefully, they will be willing to step up to the plate and carry out the role that they have in the church!
Dear Burned Out,
I am sure this is an overload of information right now and may very well increase your level of frustration. Nevertheless, the counsel you are receiving from your brothers is sound and, if applied, will refresh your soul.
Here is my two cents to consider. First, Mark 12:30 reminds us to love God in a total and balanced way that includes our entire life and total person. As others have suggested, it may be time to evaluate how balanced your life is in terms of heart, mind, soul, and strength (body). Regular exercise and balanced diet goes a long way in handling stress.
Second, I would get alone with your heavenly Father and consider how Jesus intentionally spent time alone with the Father to renew himself and refocus his priorities on his Father’s mission for his life and ministry. Prayer was such a consistent practice in the presence of his followers that they asked him to teach them to pray like he did (Luke 11:1). Time alone with God was such a high priority that Jesus refused to surrender it to time demands and people’s needs. After the busiest recorded day of ministry, Jesus rose early to get alone to pray about his purpose and priorities as a leader (Mark 1:35-38). He also made sure that his followers learned to follow the rhythms of sabbatical retreats after demanding ministry (Mark 6:30-32).
Third, I would make it a priority to take one day off (or two half days) a week. Building on the sabbatical rests Jesus practiced and expected of the Twelve, I would ask someone to hold you accountable to take this time off and spend it with your family. No church is worth losing your marriage and children over. It is your responsibility to guard your heart and your family. No one else will do it for you. Over time as you develop lay leadership around you, they will be willing to help you in this area but it is ultimately your responsibility. Paul reminded Timothy of the importance of taking care of one’s family and how doing so is actually a necessary qualification for leading God’s family of families (1 Tim 3:4-5, 15; 5:8).
I would also commit to taking your vacation every year. Your children will never forget the memories you make together as a family away from the church.
Fourth, I would seek out an older pastor or trusted counselor to help you examine your heart regarding any unhealthy inner drives with respect to success in ministry. As Tony W. humbly shared in his post, sometimes what drives us in ministry is not always healthy for us, our family, or the church. I would suggest you read Kent Hughes excellent book, Liberating Ministry from the Success Syndrome. Also Eugene Petersen has an excellent trilogy of books that will provide you with perspective on ministry: The Contemplative Pastor: Returning to the Art of Spiritual Direction; Working the Angles: The Shape of Pastoral Integrity; and Five Smooth Stones for Pastoral Work.
Oswald Sanders’ classic work, Spiritual Leadership: Principles of Excellence for Every Believer, would also be a great read at this time in your life and ministry. After forty-four years, Sanders’ book is still very real and relevant. Each chapter is like a multivitamin that is packed with the necessary nutrients to grow as spiritual leader. His book is a potent reminder that spiritual leadership is a multifaceted balance of a variety of disciplines.
Fifth, I would make sure I understood my calling to the ministry. What has God called me to be and do? What is his mission for my life and ministry? Am I giving myself to him and his purposes for my life? People can make all sorts of demands on our lives and ministries. A true servant leader does not do everything for God’s people. Instead, he serves God’s mission and then serves those on mission with him by equipping them to do the work of the ministry. As others have mentioned, the day Moses took the advice of his father-in-law, Jethro, is the day he truly became a servant leader (Exod 18:13-26 ). Ephesians 4:11-12 reminds us that our calling is to equip the saints, so they can do the work of the ministry with us for the edification of the Body.
Sixth, as others have suggested, I would find a Barnabas outside of the church to share my heart with and be my prayer partner. John Piper’s book, Brothers, We Are Not Professionals, is also a great companion to carry with you on daily basis. Each devotional is a like a shot in the arm to remind you that you are not in this alone.
Finally, stay close and stay clean. The best is yet to come! Keep looking up!
Tony, thanks for the transparent truth. Your advice about seeking professional help is sound. I think we can all relate to your reasons why we sometimes get off track and burned out in ministry.
In response to Chris Regas:
I agree wholeheartedly with all the points that you have mentioned above. I think it is a great to have a brother always take into consideration his calling. We should all constantly be evaluating what the Lord has actually called us to do, so that we do not lose sight of the goal when the fog of life rolls in. Sometimes we are so worried about failing at our ministry that we compensate by over working ourselves. We never take time to consider that God may be calling us to fail at this time so that he can show His strength in our weakness.
My only advice to add to all of the wise counsel offered thus far is to immediately take care of your wife. Stop whatever you have to right now and tend to her needs. If that means a vacation then so be it. If that means more date nights, then schedule them. Make sure that she is with you 100%.
Next I would schedule time each week with your children. Don’t be afraid to say “No” to other people in the church for the sake of time with your children; your family is your first ministry.
Lastly I would take one day a month as a day of silence and solitude with the Lord. Many great ideas for books to read and people to build relationships with have been mentioned, but don’t forget the discipline of silence and solitude. Go somewhere that is calming, relaxing, and quiet, to get alone with God. Take nothing but a bottle of water, pen, paper, and your bible and set a time limit of at least 4 hours.
I pray that it will be in those quiet moments that the Lord gives you a glimpse of what he is doing in you and through you during your ministry. God bless brother.
Response to Chris Regas’ original post:
Your advice is excellent and I espeically liked the fact that you reference Scripture. There have been many books written on the subject, and the books you and the others have recommended will be very helpful. As helpful as the books will be, I think of your suggestion that he seek out an older pastor is invaluable.
From my personal experience, I will forever be indebted to the older pastors who have been so helpful to me during the course of my ministry. These godly men have kept me from making many mistakes, helped me correct the mistakes I did make, and genuinely encouraged me in many ways at many times. They allowed me to learn from their past failures and successes.
Because they walked this path before, these men asked me questions that caused me to stop and evaluate what I do, and why I do it. Answering these questions enabled me to weed out a lot of unnecessary baggage. These men also taught me that learning to choose my battles wisely would eliminate a lot of stress from my life. It is very important to know when to stand your ground, when to compromise, and when to walk away.
In the Scriptures we read many intances of God proving himself faithful to people serving in ministry, and it gives us great hope and comfort. Sometimes it is even more comforting and encouraging to hear how God has proven himself faithful in the lives of our contemporaries.
In response to post 19 above (and other similar comments), I would be very hesitant to be completely open and honest about a burnout situation, especially if there is already limited support for the pastor. I know personally of a deacon body that proposed firing a pastor when health issues began to interfere with ministerial duties. If a congregation has burned out one pastor, the unfortunate reality is they may discard him and seek their next prey. That being said, I do believe you need to be able to express you situation to someone outside your family. The advise above regarding support from other seasoned pastors seems crucial to releasing some of the built up frustrations.
Well first of all I would like to give my sympathy because this is such a hard position. It will take a lot of courage to stand up and do what is right and biblical in this sort of situation.
First is what I would recommend is finding passages in scripture that talk about the church being body not just an eye. Also passages about how there are different giftings in the body of Christ and that the church as a whole suffers unless everyone participates in the body. Then I would preach on these texts for about a month and teach on them if you also teach a class of some sort. Hopeful this in and of itself will be enough to encourage people to step up and take some responsibilities around the church or at least ask you what they can do.
If this does not naturally give you volunteers to help you out in the ministry of your church I would gather together the elders of your church or at least the spiritually mature and ask them what they thought about the Bible’s teaching on being a body. Then I would ask them to prayerfully consider how they could use their own gifting in the church. I would give them a list of things that I would like Church members to participate and be involved in. The next week I would ask them back and give them official positions and acknowledge them before the church as elders of which ever ministry they chose and make sure they have a list of responsibilities that include exactly what you expect of them.
I think the previous commentators have contributed much helpful advice. What especially stands out to me is the value of enlisting others in the church to share the burden of ministry with you, in accordance with Exodus 18:21-23 and Galatians 6:2. In order to do this effectively, it may be necessary for you to change the congregation’s overall mindset. Perhaps the church members have become accustomed, even from long experience prior to your becoming their pastor, to looking to a single leader, basically, to make all the decisions and provide all the initiative. Yet that whole outlook is unbiblical. After all, it is the role of church leaders, as those whom Christ Himself has given as gifts to His body on earth, to equip “the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ” (Eph. 4:12). All too often, so I believe, evangelical churches of recent times have viewed Christianity as primarily a kind of spectator sport in which one man acts and everyone else cheers him on. That approach allows ordinary believers to become all too comfortable, since it lets them avoid taking the initiative to confront the types of spiritual opposition which any effective congregation can expect to encounter. At the same time, it can cause the one man who is directly confronting the church’s spiritual enemies to feel lonely, defeated, and discouraged, as you seemingly have come to feel.
May I suggest this, as a practical start: Try praying about what two or three other men in the church may have some of the qualifications for leadership which passages such as Exodus 18, Acts 6, and I Timothy 3 present. Begin by sharing your heart with these men in a respectful way, and ask them to pray about starting to help you out with some particular ministry tasks. In time, there is the prospect that those with whom you choose to share the burden will catch a vision of the glory of being in the battle, as opposed to simply observing it from a safe distance. But you will need to invest the time to instruct them, and also to listen to their concerns and to give them reassurance and encouragement as various difficulties arise.
Elders or deacons?
Consultant’s Corner is not the place for a theological or ecclesiastical debate, but I find it interesting that no one has mentioned the role of deacons. I see deacons as “leading servants” and elders as “serving leaders.” In a church of 100 where the pastor is seemingly doing everything, the leadership role to develop may be that of deacons, who lead by serving in areas that free up the pastor to focus on prayer and the Word (Acts 6:1-7; 1 Tim 3:8-13; Phil 1:1).
Depending on the denominational and historical background of this church, the role of elders and/or deacons may be a minefield better left for another day. Of course a pastor can enlist and equip the saints to do the work of the ministry without awarding titles or stirring up unnecessary debates.
As others have wisely suggested, the place to begin may be in helping the saints see their giftedness for the work of the ministry. Those who respond to the pastor’s teaching, leading, and equipping in this area will more than likely be the ones selected in the future for the roles of deacons and elders.
In response to Marcus:
I couldn’t agree with you more on your main underlying principle. While this issue may be seemingly difficult to tackle, it actually all hinges on one major foundational principle: you (that is, the pastor) must be the agent of change. This problem will not resolve itself. If a pastor allows himself to get bogged down by an over-abundance of responsibility while waiting for things to work themselves out, he is going to find himself in far over his head far too quickly. It’s going to take intentionality and initiative on the part of the pastor himself. I think a lot of times pastors have such high expectations for themselves, and they have this overambitious vision for the heroic role they are going to play in the life of their church body, and in the end it is that drive to do all and be all to everyone that takes its toll on the things that matter most: personal relationship with the Lord, and family.
I also like the specific reading suggestions you made. It is a wise idea to have a solid model or two of what delegation and an appropriate taking-on of responsibilities looks like, and I like your suggestion of making a concentrated study out of it. That is a very practical and useful idea.
No doubt, pastoring a small church can be a very difficult thing- especially when you are responsible to do nearly everything. I think the most important thing is to realize that you cannot do everything. I think you want to write out a list of everything that is expected/required of you as the pastor. Then, you may want to categorize them as one of two things– 1. Things ONLY you can do, and 2. Things you FEEL like you have to do. You are going to have to hand off some responsibility to others in order to keep your sanity. It may not be done as well as you’d like it, but that’s ok. This may also require some focused training to teach others how to take over certain tasks. Invested time up front will equal relief in the future.
I agree with Mr. Grant’s suggestion of identifying a few men in the church that you can train up. Up front it may be a difficult task, but it will certainly pay off in the long run– for you, for them, and for your church.
Chuck, I appreciate your real life examples from your February 22 comment. I think you’re right about identifying scheduling, exercising, prayer, and laughter as important areas to maintain in the life of a pastor. These are definitely practical factors associated with the avoidance of burnout. I especially appreciate how you include your wife in your scheduling and exercise. I know that’s something that I’ve had to be more intentional about. Ironically, because I have wanted to protect her from any potential pressures or demands of ministry, I have excluded her at times by not sharing what’s going on at church, by not scheduling with her, and by trying to keep up a strong, “I’ve got it all together” front at home. I quickly learned that this doesn’t work. I’ve also pleasantly learned that she’s much more organized and schedule savvy than I! So she’s almost become somewhat of a time management consultant for me.
Matthew, from your February 22 comment, I particularly appreciate your suggestion of a support structure. Here in Toronto, there is an unspoken spirit of competition amonst the Korean churches. It is unnatural for us to get together for the type of support structure you talk about. I know that I would welcome such a support structure. The transparency is especially in want. Pastors are afraid to say, for example, that their ministry or they themselves are struggling. However, as I prepare for a church plant, I hope to find a network of pastors, or should I say a family of pastors, that I could experience this with because I know you’re right!
Jerry, thanks for your comment on February 23. You’re right when you advise that the problem should be addressed quickly. Burnout is an emergency state. I know for myself that when I am burnt out, I try to operate on fumes as long as possible out of a sense of duty. But the effect is to exacerbate the burnout. I also appreciate your practical suggestion of addressing the deacons and the congregation. The Messiah complex is wrong from both sides: when the pastor takes on this attitude and when the congregation looks to him as the savior. I think we would both agree that there is only one Messiah. We need to learn to be his body, sharing the load of ministry.
Chris, thanks for your example of a weekly discipline and rhythm from your February 23 comment. There’s that familiar saying, “If you fail to plan, then plan to fail.” I could learn from your rhythm of planning on Mondays for the week ahead. For me, I tend to plug in commitments as they come along, and usually don’t get reminded of them until a few days before. Sometimes, I’ll realize that I’ve over committed myself that week, even at times double booking! Sitting down each Monday and getting a handle on the week’s big picture would help prevent this. Which makes me realize as I’m writing that the avoiding burnout is about maintaining the right disciplines.
In response to Jerry Workman’s post:
Jerry, thank you for your honesty regarding the church’s expectations. I agree with you that often times it is our perception of the church’s expectations rather than their actual expectations that intensifies the stress load. The one element that seems to reoccur throughout this discussion is that of communication. When the stress increases and the fire inside diminishes, it is often a survival mechanism to draw back from connections with crucial people, like your wife, your friends and co-laborers, and your supporters. This should serve as a red flag to increase rather than decrease your level of communication. Don’t be ashamed of where you are in your walk with Christ and your work of ministry. Satan will try to destroy your esteem by making you think you’re the only one who has ever gone through this. By so doing, he will tell you to pull back into your shell where it is safe, and to guard yourself from personal injury. Keep the lines of communication open with your wife and the church leadership. Make sure they know where you are and what you’re going through. Don’t presume they don’t care and won’t help. Like Jerry said, perception is not necessarily reality. They may be more than willing to help if you just ask for help. And by all means keep the lines of communication open with the Lord through prayer and Bible study. Paul told the church at Galatia in Galatians 6:9 to not grow weary in doing good, for in due season you will reap a harvest if you do not give up. Don’t give up! You are God’s man for this church at the time. Hang in there. Your destination is worth the trials of the journey.
I think this issue would qualify as both a personal and a church issue. Regarding the personal aspect, I think that next to your relationship with God the most important one that you have is the relationship with you wife. Just like I advise my friends who have secular jobs that rob them of their time with God, if your church is ribbing you of your time with your wife something has to change. You may have to take steps that may upset some people in the congregation but I am sure in 3 years time you have probably preached some sermons that have done the same. I would agree with what many of people have already said here and you should delegate some authority to some of the more mature men (or depending on the needs the mature women) to free up some time for your family. With regard to the church issue it is the responsibility of the pastor to lead the church by example. I would suggest a sermon series on marriage and the responsibility of the husband and then live it out by showing the church how important your wife is to you by not letting even you congregation come between you and your wife. If they see that there placing everything on your shoulders is keeping you from you first responsibility then surely they would allow you time to spend with your wife and family. You may even find that you have people in the congregation that want to take on responsibility but do not know if they can or how to do it because you are doing it all.
I think Jerry Workman has some good ideas. One pastor cannot meet the needs of every individual in a church, even a small one. The deacons need to step up. I would encourage you to educate your deacons to know what their role really is and then expect them to participate. You could give them specific expectations that they can meet, like giving each deacon the responsibility of serving 12 members or so, and having them required to make a home visit to one of them a month. That way each member of your church will have a leader of the church in their home praying for them and engaging in their life at least once a year. It is a start anyway.
Your marriage is just as important as your vocational ministry, more so even. If your ministry and your family are in direct conflict with each other, then your family comes first. That doesn’t mean you should quit, but it does mean that you need to bring these feelings and struggles to the church, asking for their support. I would start with telling the deacons what you are going through, which will hopefully give them even more incentive to start helping you more the way they should be anyway. If they don’t seem to respond well to you then maybe church discipline is in order and they shouldn’t be in those leadership positions. I know that might seem impossible to implement, but if your church won’t grow without help, and you need good leaders to help you.
I don’t know how many people one pastor can effectively minister to (I’ve heard different numbers), but I know it’s less than 100. With that in mind, you need to shrink your own responsibilities into something that is actually manageable. This not only allows you to maybe have a little free time, but it also allows you time to invest in the relationships you keep. By being able to focus on a few key relationships (relationships with other elders, deacons, and leaders within the church), the time you spend in ministry will be of better quality, hopefully leading to more effective growth in those members and leaders. By encouraging and expecting those men to be involved in the same kind of relationships, you will be able to impact more members of your church through them, and impact them more powerfully, than you would be able to do on your own. I was introduced to this kind of leadership and its biblical basis by the book The Master Plan of Evangelism by Robert Coleman.
Also, this may have been spoken of elsewhere, but in post 23, the recommendation was made to bring this situation before the church body. I would be hesitant to do so for a couple reasons. First of all, if it is a case of the church expecting too much from one pastor, then the church is likely to see a burned-out pastor as weak or whiney. Instead of seeming to complain about the situation, the pastor needs to develop some ideas and a strategy for leading the church to a more healthy and biblical model of church that does not put so much pressure and responsibility on one man. This will, hopefully, allow you to keep ministering to a healthier church and avoid being fired or quitting and leaving the next pastor with the same problems. But also, since it may be more of a personal problem at root, it does not need to be broadcasted to the entire church immediately. It may be that it gets to the point that you owe it to the congregation to let them know how serious a problem it is. But before that point is reached, I believe all efforts must be made to remedy the problem with the aid of close friends and professional help, if needed.
I think a large source of your burnout can be dealt with by recruiting and training leaders to come along side you and help in the ministry. Obviously, that task in and of itself could cause burnout! However, in time, I believe that is where you will find the most relief.
In order to assist with that process I think you need to begin correcting your congregation’s perspective on how involved each and every one of them needs to be. If they expect you to be doing everything, then I do not believe they understand what God calls them to do. This could be due to ignorance and resulting from a lack of proper discipleship and teaching on the subject by past leadership.
With that said, practically speaking, start by praying and ask God for guidance and wisdom in approaching this issue. Ask Him to bless your words and attitude as you prepare to speak to your congregation and train leaders. Lastly, defend your family! Don’t wait until you have a group of leaders to assist you before you spend time with your family. Start block scheduling and defend that time you set aside for your family. Obviously, you don’t want to fail at your ministry or in leading your family. But if I had to choose, it would be my ministry everytime.
In response the the original question: Is the expectation a conscious expectation on their part, or something that is just assumed because this is the way it’s always been, in other words, a part of the church’s DNA? A little re-education might be advised.
Tony’s point is well taken — Given how brief your tenure has been, changing the structure to a plurality of elders might be too much too soon. In a church that size, putting together another leadership team can be a stretch. By that I mean, it can be hard enough to find biblically qualified men for a deacon team, let alone pulling together a board of elders. The deacons can fill both functions. This still maintains a plurality of leadership and keeps it simple. But to get the relief you need, the deacons must be organized around an Acts 6 paradigm.
Meet with your deacons, and be honest. Let them know you can’t carry the load alone. Direct their attention to Moses, whose hands needed to be held up by Aaron and Hur (Ex. 17)—without which the battle could not be won. Let them know that for the battles of the church to be won, the church cannot exist as a one man operation. It will never be able to accomplish any more than that one man is capable of. And, yes, the story of Moses father-in-law, Jethro (Ex. 18) is also applicable here. Read Acts 8:4, and then take them to verse 1 which identifies the “they that were scattered abroad….preaching the word” as everyone “except the apostles.” Take them to Eph. 4 and explain your responsibility to equip the people to do works of service and ministry. Let them know you want to grow the church around a clearly biblical model. Do it with a humble, loving spirit. For lack of a better term, don’t come across as a whiner, or as though your sole concern is only focused on yourself, but as someone who really does have the best interest of the church and its people at heart. Be ready to itemize some areas where you could use some immediate help to share the load.
All of the above comments are valuable and worthy of consideration. Their is wisdom in seeking the advice of many. Sift thu the suggestions and prayerfully articulate a plan of action.
Len, I thought the following was well said:
Let them know you want to grow the church around a clearly biblical model. Do it with a humble, loving spirit. For lack of a better term, don’t come across as a whiner, or as though your sole concern is only focused on yourself, but as someone who really does have the best interest of the church and its people at heart. Be ready to itemize some areas where you could use some immediate help to share the load.
I have a few ideas that I think will help. First, this situation requires a great deal of prayer. I suggest that you lay this burden before God every day and ask him to help you to bear this burden (Psalm 68:19). Also, I suggest involving your whole family in frequent prayer walks. It will get you in the habit of praying together, and it is good exercise. You should also establish regular times of prayer for the whole church. Pray with whoever comes - even if there is only your family and a couple of church members.
Second, this situation requires a commitment to discipleship and evangelism. Even though your time is precious and limited, you need to invest a great deal of time and energy into a small number of people. Set aside time for sharing the gospel, leading new people to Christ, discipling them in the teaching of Jesus, and training them to be leaders in the church. These disciples will in the long run be a great investment in your ministry because they will lead others to Christ and take leadership of ministries, freeing you from the burden of doing it all.
Finally, I suggest that you tap into the resources that God has given you in the church and build a servant-hearted and mission-minded attitude into your church members through your preaching and through the example of the way that you and your wife live your lives. Teach the church members what the Bible says that a disciple is and does, and model this for them. In time they should begin to follow your lead. If you prioritize prayer, the preaching of the Word of God, evangelism, and discipleship, the Lord will transform you, your family, and your church.
This is my response to Albert Chung’s comment:
I completely agree with his ideas. Satan’s goal is to steal, kill, and destroy, so he naturally would want to derail a pastor in any way possible, including burnout. Also, it is important in ministry to learn to say no to excess ministry (and to be able to define what is important and what is excess). It is also imperative to try to please Christ rather than pleasing people. I agree that he must pray and find his rest in Christ, letting Christ fight the battle. I think that Albert Chung’s advice is good.
Bill Hybels book, “Courageous Leadership” includes a helpful section on relates to this discussion:
Hybels places great emphasis upon “self-leadership.” Quoting from 1 Timothy 4:16, he writes, “Pay attention to yourself, and then to your teaching.” To “pay attention to yourself” is more than self-leadership. It is a matter of self-preservation and family-preservation. Many pastors get this in reverse, and tend to their teaching and ministry responsibilities first, giving, if any at all, the leftovers of their time to nourishing themselves and their families (237). Hybels saw this pattern in himself, recognized its danger, and had the courage to make changes before it was too late. He gave an account of his own travails and how narrowly he avoided burnout in ministry. On one occasion, he boldly went where few pastors have gone before and conceded to his need for professional counseling, letting it be known publically that he was receiving it. In another instance, recognizing he was near physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual collapse, he went to his elders, admitting that he needed a break—both for himself and his family. Back in that day, the early eighties, no senior pastor he knew of was taking summer study breaks, but he knew he needed one, and put in a request. He honestly admitted that the first seven years of ministry at Willow Creek Community Church had taken a real toll on him. Due to their concern for the welfare of the church at a critical time in its history, his elders were hesitant. Nonetheless, they recognized the need and granted him a three-week break. He writes, “That three-week vacation probably saved my family and my ministry. It paved the way for an annual study break with my wife and kids that sustained us for over twenty years….But summoning up the courage to go on that first break was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done” (240). In fact, Hybels went on to take annual breaks entailing most of the entire summer. It was kind of combined vacation with family and summer-long study break. He did manage to maintain contact with the church, but from a distance and within limits. This discussion of self-leadership is actually woven into much of the book’s fabric. For that reason, it might be a helpful read.
Obviously i am in on the tale end of this discussion and there is little to add the wisdom that has been shared. I would however add some tough love. The bottom line is your church can not force you to neglect your family, only you can choose to do that. You have to make some hard choices. If your kids never see you, no wonder your wife is stressed, and if your wife is stressed no wonder you are feeling burned out. It is time for you to set your priorities and not allow others to do so.
You have to put your relationship with God FIRST. Your number one priority every day must be your personal prayer, bible readying and devotion time. Every fire burns out unless fuel is continually added. Your relationship with God, on a personal level not a congregational level is your ministry fuel.
Second you have to put your family after your relationship with God. Your relationship with your wife is the most perfect picture of Christ’s relationship with the church. He does not want you neglecting your bride to focus on his! Set loving on her as your number two priority every day and you will be renewed through it.
Then and only then comes the relationship with your church. This can only be fixed through the power of the word “NO.” I have heard so many pastors on the fast track to burnout say, “but if I don’t do it, it won’t get done.” Well then it doesn’t get done! Your deacons and church members are never going to step up when there’s nothing to step up to. If everything is getting covered why would they feel the need or see a reason to step in. Let the church grass go uncut, make someone else lock up on Sunday night.
One brother cautioned about being to open about the situation, and developing a team to slowly hand things off to so as not to upset things and possibly loosing your job. You have two priorities that rank way above your job. Take action now and if the church removes you then the Lord will honor your commitment to him and your family and we will provide a way. You may work for your church but your provision comes from the Lord.
I know this has already been suggested but one of the best ways to release this struggle was described to me as investing in two or three men. In fact, I was recently able to encourage someone else in the ministry to do just that, and they found great relief from that. He was able to be encouraged by the two or three and know that he was making a difference. I am sure it sounds difficult to add something else to the plate but whenever you have invested in these men some you might realize that you could relinquish something to them anyway.
Dr. Lawless once suggested to never do ministry alone. Take someone with you whenever you are serving. If you are going on a hospital visit take someone with you. If you are counseling someone, have someone else with you. Let everything you do in ministry be a teaching opportunitiy as well as a ministry opportunity and you may find some relief and encouragement along the way.
You have already received some good advice, so I willl simply speak as a pastor who is in a similar ministry context. I also pastor a small church and struggle with the demands of leadership in that setting. I have found a few things that have helped me. First, set a schedule each month. I know this is hard for a pastor. Our job is essentially a series of interruptions interrupted by more interruptions. But it has said by others wiser than me that the fifth spiritual law is that God loves you and everyone else has a wonderful plan for your life. Each week I block out Friday evening and Saturday evening for family and for my wife (respectively). I also try to take Monday off (although I am fortunate to get a half day in most cases). This allows me to honestly say to someone “i’m sorry, I am busy then” when they ask for that time. I honor the Friday and Saturday evenings just as I would an appointment with any other congregation member (your wife and kids ARE congregation members aren’t they?). I also try to divide my days into three blocks. Morning, Afternoon and Evening. That gives me 21 blocks each week. I only schedule one activity for each block. Sermon planning is an activity and I give it at least three full blocks. My family time takes two blocks and my day off takes three. That gives me 13 blocks to devote to visitation, funerals, counseling, etc… During my sermon planning time I leave home, usually I go to the library and I screen my calls on my cell phone. I only return emergency calls during this time. The rest I return withing 24 hours. Each year I plan one week away from the office to plan my sermons for the year. This means my weekly time is more efficient. During this week I do not go to the office unless it is an emergency and I let the congregation know what I am doing. It is not vacation time because I am working. I have never had any push back for doing this. I schedule a three day mini-vacation retreat for me and my wife (no kids, no church) every winter in January. I find it helps me avoid burnout. I also take a full week vacation each Summer. My vacation is always scheduled far enough away that I can not return for a couple of days (usually Florida for me). I have a Deacon who is ordained who can handle funerals and hospital emergencies for me. You might get another small church pastor to cover for you while you are away. You can do the same for him while he is gone. Serve as staff for each other. Plan some personal development time during the year. Put it on the calendar. Take a class at a seminary, attend a conference. Anything that will help you renew your vision for the work. Also, make your spiritual time with God a priority. Find someone you can meet with regularly to pray with. I get together with several partners on Tuesday morning and pray at 6:30 AM. This time refreshes me like nothing else. You might prefer to meet at Starbucks with another local pastor or two and pray over coffee one evening a week. Without drawing aside for spiritual renewal each week you will burn out. Finally, take care of yourself physically. If your weight is up, your energy and emotional levels will be down as well. Set aside time to exercise and do something small to improve your diet (cut out soft drinks for a month or go on a fast food fast for a while). You can not be a good servant of Christ is you are not taking care of your temple. I hope these things have helped a little. Pastoring a small church is the hardest job in the world, but with a little planning and effort you can not only survive, you can thrive.
I agree with Tony above that you may need to see a doctor for help if you suspect a problem with depression. However, I would not jump to pharmacology as my first option. Try making adjustments to your rest, time management, and diet first. If you continue to experience problems it is not wrong to seek medical help.
Chris Regas has suggested some good resources for you to consider reading. Choose one or two, if you read all those books you are going to be more exhausted now than you were before. I like Piper’s book. We have to get away from the idea that we are involved in a profession rather than a calling.
Concerning your complaint that you “do everything.” Understand that a small church will not be able to do everything a larger church does. Choose the essential few ministries that you feel God would have you not neglect and if no one else will do the others, let them go and pray. If God wants you to have that ministry, He will raise up someone else to lead it. I have occaisionally told my congregation that I was going to quit doing a certain job unless someone else stepped up to do it. If someone complains that you no longer do something, suggest that the complainer take it over. Eventually people will get the message and either go to work, or stop complaining about what does not get done. As pastor you should focus on prayer, preaching, and leadership. The rest belongs primarily to the congregation.
As a ministry wife, and a person at mid-life, as well as a recent seminary grad, I have seen some grave errors and some wonderful successes. The best advice I can offer is something that was taught in Dr. Lawless’ mentoring class, of which I was a member in 2008.
Dr. Billie Hanks told us of a worn out, discouraged pastor, who was ready to quit. Dr. Hanks advised him to ask God for three men with whom to pray, (and to disciple/mentor). In very short order, this pastor had a great love for his church, and lots of energy, as well. (My paraphrase of the story.)
I have seen men worn down for lack of teaching/training leaders within their congregation.
Never neglect your devotional life.
Never neglect your family life.
Never neglect to ask God for men you can train as leaders - you can be sure He will give them to you if you ask because this deacon-elder thing was his idea. :)
God bless!
When attending Southern (D.Min.) I was going to do my doctoral project on burnout. Dr. Rainer and Dr. Lawless suggested that I look into what “caused burnout” and allow that to be the focus of my doctoral work. What I discovered was a lack of teamwork in most local churches. The project shifted from the subject of burnout to “A Consultant’s Strategy for Team Development Within the Local Church.” Since my time at Southern (1999-2002) I have been working on a teamwork ministry. This has also led to the creation of a website. http://www.likeateam.com. I have been working as a Director of Missions for the past five years and have been enjoying working with the pastors and the churches in the area of team development. Teamwork can destroy burnout! I have seen it at work!
I’ve been in full-time ministry for ten years. During three of those ten years I pastored a church in western Kentucky of similar size and was the only paid ministerial staff person. Fortnuately, I did not have to do everything, but I did almost everything. Thankfully, I didn’t have to unlock and lock-up the church, but I did all the visiting, counseling, ministrying planning, as well as preached three times a week, and taught Sunday school. My wife also worked long hours during those three years.
My advice would be to divide up the work load as some have already mentioned. Acts 6 is pretty clear on what the role of deacons in a church ought to be. Use your deacons, teachers, and anyone that has a heart to serve. They will help lighten the burden and workload.
Also, something that I have had to learn is to simply say “no.” I can’t do everything, so I shouldn’t try to do everything. When I slip into the mode of trying to do everything my family always gets left out. So, I purposely set aside time to spend with my wife and daughter. I schedule it into my week. This can be hard for church members to understand at first, but after they hear your heart, they will understand and support your commitment to your family.
Response to Jerry Workman’s comment:
Jerry, I can’t tell you how helpful meeting each week with a group of pastors is to me. Every Monday morning our association has a pastors’ conference. This is a sweet time of fellowship, encouragement, and prayer. It lifts my spirit each Monday. Then each Wednesday I have lunch with five other pastors for a time of prayer and accountability.
My pastor buddies are my cheerleaders, and they help me stay strong because they are in the same fight as me. Every pastor needs a couple good close friends he can pray with and confide in.
The pastor has reached the necessary conclusion that he is burned out. That is not all bad, because he recognizes that he needs help. I suggest that he meet with his leadership team to take some time off. While rejuvenating, move the family (wife and children) back to front and center in importance. Invest significant time with the Lord to gain wisdom about his leadership. Meet with a trusted leader to learn some proven time management and delegation techniques. Engage church leaders to develop a network of ministers rather than carrying the entire load.
When I have felt “burned out” it is the result of three primary and repeating scenarios in my life…
1) I have failed to delegate tasks to those who are: a) capable, b) empowered, c) released to succeed or fail on their own, and d) often better at the task than I ever could be.
2) I have neglected a particular sin in my life - neglected to deal with it as God would want me to - and it robs me of energy (it’s like being unplugged from my Source).
3) I have overbooked myself - my priorities get out of whack when I place way too much weight on what I perceive to be “expected of me” at the church.
Strangely this does not seem to be my feeling when I am overbooked in other areas of my life - I am a Boy Scout Leader, Sunday School consultant, baseball coach and DMin student. That’s a load but these don’t get me down like church expectations can. Interesting…
My doctor recently prescribed 1 hour each week exercising - without a cell phone or any conversation or meditations about anything related to church. He is also holding me accountable to a weekend away with my wife (or family is this is not too tense) and a week away in the near future. Good advice.
I would say that you need accountability, and to schedule time with your family. Always remember that family is your #1 ministry and priority.
You also need to be able to schedule personal time with your family. Schedule it out weeks in advance and do not let it move, except for dire circumstances. If something else comes up that will interfere, just say, “No, I already have an appointment then.” They do not need to know what it is.
Accountability is also huge necessary. One needs to have other people to be fully transparent with. These people can be pastors from other churches, deacons, fellow elders, or other Godly friends. This accountability time should be a wonderful time where everyone can share their heart and lift one another up in prayer and encouragement. We all need to be able to talk to somebody.
About a year into pastoral ministry, I began to experience the same things. I was tired and stressed, while my wife was being neglected and I dragged her all around “for the sake of our ministry.” After pouring in so much time and effort, the last thing that seems reasonable is to back off and limit the time you are spending ministering to others, but this was helpful for me. I had to realize the brutal truth that if I wasn’t an effective minister in my own home, then I could not be an effective minister within the church. So, with that said, I would first encourage you to set boundaries and stick to those. Set family time in stone and only budge on that time if it is an emergency. Set date nights for you and your wife to be able to spend quality time together and refocus your sights on your bride. In doing so, the members of your congregation will begin to see that you are taking your most important ministry, within your own home, seriously and should support your endeavors. Beyond these boundaries, it will be important that you learn to say “no” to things that do not demand your attention and presence. This does not give you an excuse to remove yourself from the lives of your congregants completely, but rather to put things in a healthy state for both you and your congregation.
I would agree with Brooks (53) wholeheartedly! Set the boundaries, and follow them. Your spouse and your children must be your first and foremost priority. Beyond that, accountability to holding to your schedule will be crucial. In addition, I think that it would be very important for you to begin raising up other leaders within the church who help share in the ministry of the local church. Find those three guys and pour into them, equipping them to do the same with others throughout the church.